Monday, January 5, 2015

Sunday, May 12, 2013

This is not Calvin and Hobbes. This is OKCupid.

This is, maybe, the coolest and least effective message I wrote to another human on a dating website:

Sunday, March 17, 2013

Statement of Purpose, for Hunter's Masters of Ed. program


School of Education, Hunter College

Kelly was crying.

I looked up from my seat, scissors halfway through a circle for a snowman, one of many. She sobbed again and I whispered her name, sharply. The little girl got up from her mat and crossed the room, a wide, trembling frown on her face. I emptied my hands and put one on her shoulder, asked her what was wrong. The picture of heartbreak, she told me she couldn’t stop thinking about the people she loved dying.
I told her I could make something special for her and sent her back to her cot with tissues. I got some paper and crayons and started working. I picked the scissors back up and cut out my creation, brought it to her cot with some tape. It was a dreamcatcher and would help keep the bad thoughts back. I hung it up, gave her a hug and tucked her back in. Later it hit me that, if I wanted to, I could have an impact on not just one little girl, but a whole class, every year. When she started listening in class, I realized I might even be pretty good at this.
My own struggles have been mostly symptomatic in my school work; my grades are all over the place. Out of my own youth, I started procrastinating, became a nervous perfectionist. I’ve run late because I wanted the work to be perfect. Often my most valuable classes were where I got the worst grades.
But in therapy, I’ve been working through the hang-ups. I’ve learned that my grades are not commensurate with my abilities. While working at the daycare center for those 8 months, volunteering at Brookside for 2010-11, subbing throughout, or working customer service when the opportunity arose, I struggled to maintain my grades to the point where I debated even completing my bachelor’s degree, let alone a master’s. But through all the doubt and work, I’ve become sure of something. I want to be a teacher.
I’ve been in classrooms since 2011 and I’ve loved every minute of the work. I’ve developed a slew of techniques for reaching kids and I love picking the brains of my peers for techniques. In the classroom, I encourage open-mindedness and courage. I encourage kids to think about how to be even better to their fellow man than is currently required.
Another story: Jayden couldn’t sit still in my 2nd grade reading group. Due to a schedule mix up, I had to lead two groups of 7 kids at once, in the hallway where there was room. Jayden loved the group, but if I had to give him another warning that day, he would be kicked out. Realizing the other group needed me much more, I made an instinctive call and in front of his peers, put him in charge of the first group. His eyes went wide. And he tentatively accepted. After ten minutes working with the other group, I looked back. Everyone was silently listening to him read and writing their questions down for later. I felt like I had made a trick-shot in a pool game.
As a now-consistently requested sub, and one of the few who follows the lesson plan, I’m only getting better. But as you know, a great sub doesn’t have an impact. A great teacher does.

Thank you for considering me for your program,


Monday, February 25, 2013


WELCOME! WELCOME TO THE FIRST ANNUAL OSCAR NIGHT PIECE OF SHIT AWARDS! There will be three major awards, in order of least to most shitty. Runner ups will simply receive dirty looks. Sorry! Try harder next year! Let's get started, because we've all got better stuff to do.

The 3rd place award for MOST SHITTY goes to:

3) Seth MacFarlane! Congratulations! You get the Bronze Piece of Shit Award for so enthusiastically lording your own immaturity over everyone that's not white, straight, thin, male, or American. That "boobs" bit was just another reminder that anybody making serious movies better be a man if they choose to get naked--or, god forbid, get mixed up and think they were making actual art! Apparently--nah, it was just porn after all. Thanks though!

Seth doin his "I-just-spanked-my-way-over-from-the-limo-and-boy-are-my-arms-tired" grin.

Really, Seth doesn't even surprise me anymore, what surprises me is that anybody would hire and vet his performance to be nationally broadcast. Who was that? Oh yeah, somebody did!

2) THE ACADEMY! You get the Silver Piece of Shit Award! Congratulations on being a self-congratulatory pile of rich white dudes shaking each others hands.

"How's it goin in there? Oh me? Just watchin you through this keyhole! Don't be black or a woman now! Haha okay, but really."

More pointedly though, for writing a bunch of sexist, racist and homophobic garbage for Seth to beamingly recite for everybody. I expect it from him, but I wasn't expecting y'all to double down with the bullshit about Seth not being gay (god forbid, right?), high-caliber Hispanic actors only being worth their looks, eating disorders and Adele's weight. Seriously? Take about a hundred seats, Academy. The other 400 are taken up by:

3) THE ONION! Congratulations, you win the Golden Piece of Shit Award! As you notice, it's actually poop in a straight-up plastic bag. You thought it would be gold? Nah. Because, fuck you for calling a 9-year old black girl a c*nt for being successful in a movie.

"Making Kids Cry For No Damn Reason At All."

As the king of playing on people's expectations and then shattering them, I thought you would have had a little more wisdom then to just randomly dig for the bottom of the barrel out of shock value. I really, really like you. Why not take a shot at Seth for a change? Why aim your "biting satirical wit" at a little kid? Especially in such a ridiculously challenging role with no awards to show for it.

I'm still on the fence about your apology. That doesn't undo anything. And, having been called out, you now have the option to either: be a little more selective with your targets or double down on your bullshit out of defensiveness. Judging by the apology and it's directness, I'm inclined to think the former. You can start by firing the dude responsible.


WINNERS: you can pick-up your awards from my pitbull.
He'll be in the park tomorrow about 11 am, practicing his technique.  

TO ANY FRIENDS I HAVE ALIENATED: Let's just not talk about the Oscars, maybe.


EDIT: Grabbed the wrong image for the AMPAS. Corrected. My b.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

mid-length retrospective of this blog

by "mid-length", I mean we're in the middle of it, not the mid-point or anything specific.

I was just looking through this and its kind of a mess and I'm too busy keeping myself from trying anything hard to devote any time to repairing it, but procrastination has led me here and I'm really glad I started this thing. I mean that sincerely, if a little tangentially (from what I oughta be doing). Soon I'll have a life where this procrastination business is on backburner and I can just tackle things and projects like a linebacker, just 280 lbs of confidence and momentum good for getting things done and then sitting around storing up energy to do MORE THINGS.

Yes, that is the life I think I want. The second the top priority appears on the field, I will simply charge at him faster and faster, until the collision is all that can stop me.

Daily steps there, and mine must be a paper written tonight. Quickly.

Because writing is something I should be doing more of anyway. That's one way to look at this.

Just putting this blog back up in the air. We'll see how things go for it...

Sunday, December 12, 2010


An anteater is a weird animal, because, have you ever looked at one? Really looked at an anteater? It's about three feet tall and five feet long, a big one. It's striped, furry, skinny, and has claws--like a bear-skunk, with a crazy Tim Burton face, holding a creepy tongue, designed by thousands of years of evolution... to eat ants. Imagine being a small bear, with a wine bottle for a face and a long worm for a tongue, expected to power your whole body with bugs. If you see an anteater, give it a huge bucket of bugs and a beer, because its life is surreal and that's all that will make its day.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Official Hiatus

Putting this on back-burner for now. Too much work/life reorganization to do to be blogging, let alone facebookin'. Listening to sweet, sweet Yukimi Nagano--AKA Little Dragon singer, here performing with Hird. Right-click player to download the song (trying something new here).

I'll be back--but not for a little while--and with more music.


Saturday, October 30, 2010

A Special Halloween Surprise: NIGHT OF THE LIVING GODDAMN DEAD (In full!)

[UPDATE: I wish I could, but it seems I can't host this on my blog. Well, nuts to that. I'd sooner download it and upload it again. But until I have the time for that, dig this at Youtube.]

I... I don't understand it, but somehow, this is the whole goddamned movie. (Youtube must have arranged some kind of incredible deal. To The Man, we should be thankful here.) In my opinion, this is a more interesting zombie movie than say, 28 Days Later, because it focuses on the boiled-down story: A small farmhouse, a gang (gaggle? pack? flock? yeah, pack) pack of zombies and a handful of people, trying to deal with their own internal suspicions.

There's not a hell of a lot of action in this movie--it may not even seem that impressive compared with the super-violent creative benders current directors might take us on--but it does creepy well. A grunting psychopath knocks out your brother and smashes your car window as you make a creeping attempt to get away in neutral. Or the leader character, Ben, when the creature with whom he's struggling does not succumb to, but simply acknowledges a gaping gunshot wound and keeps coming? and might have paved the way for the complete horror-movie-downer-ending trope.

You guys, please give plenty of welcome to the Father of the Zombie Film, George A. Romero's 1968 horror classic...

Night of the Living Dead
(Happy Halloween!)

Monday, October 11, 2010

Gorillaz Live on Letterman (Because Posting Something Other Than Your Promise Is Still Posting)

In an awful depression, from whence I plan to fight my way out (is "out" still okay after the whence like that? Unsure...) Anyway, thought that posting something I liked was better than letting this whole thing die on the vine. Because, I effing love Gorillaz--especially when they really push the project like this :)

Fast-forward to 20:00 for the part that made me laugh with joy, the proof of something so beautiful being something so real.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Bioshock Infinity gameplay trailer

I just found a bunch more music than I expected and have been busy with life (O! What Drama doth thou hold yet, World?!) this week, so be patient for this playlist and I promise it'll be completely sweet.

Now, until then, please enjoy this ten-minute clip of some truly imaginative game scripting and design. Even if games aren't your thing, I think you'll enjoy this for the bizarre atmosphere and magicking. Oh man. So jazzed for this game you guys.

And! New Venture Brothers comes on in ten!

Eat it Michael Musto, you're no Bruce Villanche!